


Realizations and recollections

by NightingalesAndHandGrenades (NightingalesAndLions)



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Future relationships possible, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightingalesAndLions/pseuds/NightingalesAndHandGrenades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again ... we are survivors. If you are here today... you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it thru hell and are still standing? We bare a different name: warriors.”<br/>― Lori Goodwin</p><p> </p><p>Nate is ready to get out of the Corps and he uses his time to hit home some realizations left on the back burner durin the Operation Iraqi Freedom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realizations and recollections

Getting out of the Corps is easier than Nate thought or predicted. Even the lure of Captain’s bars is not strong enough to hold him in longer than necessary. He’s grown close to his men, but the emotional struggles and dilemmas are weighing too hard on his shoulders to bear any longer. Nate needs to get out before an incompetent commander gives him an order he cannot make himself to fulfill, and he does or says something he is going to regret. 

He allows his eyes to scan the joke of camp they are in now, before finding the group he’s looking for. It’s not that hard, considering that Brad’s size stands out in the crowd.  
Brad’s team keeps together. The experience they’ve had in a Humvee has not just solidified their marine brotherhood but also their friendship. Nate trusts Brad. He trust Brad with his life and the lives of his marines.

Ray Person might have the loudest mouth in entire 1st Battalion but he’s very protective of Hasser and Trombley. Hell, he’s even strangely protective of the journalist who has lost enough marbles to go and play war without a weapon or decent body armor for protection. If anybody is looking for one of them, they usually look for the tall figure of Iceman since the rest of them like an obedient bunch of kids stay glued to Colbert’s side.

Nate is aware of the intense stare and the expression that sometimes appears on Brad’s face when the command does something extremely stupid, and all he can do is shake his head , trying to discourage Brad from getting in trouble with the command. He shares a few minutes with Brad late at night when the rest his Humvee is snoring to try and sort out any hard feelings Colbert has for the command. His heart breaks a little when, at some point, Iceman just seems to be lost. He gets buried under dumbass decisions and no real recon action and all that bureaucratic shit that rolls their way from the rear, and it takes a couple of days for Brad to snap out of it and come back. Nate breathes a sigh of relief when Colbert’s eyes are once again clear and he snaps into action, barking orders at his men.

He knows how fond Person has become of Walt. Hasser is a goofball of sunshine, but he’s also a good soldier. Person has vowed to keep the kid in one piece and together. Nate suspects attraction looming in the corners of their NVG’s, but since nobody is talking about it, he isn’t going to ask. Even thinking about it seems illegal somehow. He is almost painfully aware about the distance he has from his men. Perhaps he should feel closer to other officers, like Godfather or Captain Schwetje but as much as he respects the first and hates the second, there is no camaraderie. Not the way Colbert’s Humvee shares among them. Hell, even the wwarscribe, as Ray affectionately calls Evan, has become an integral part of their little road trip.

Now, when they are about to get out, he finally finds time to sit down besides Brad who grins at him, his eyes dancing. This is the most relaxed Nate has ever seen Brad. He’s still his stoic self, but after sitting around, filling out forms for command, Iceman is just quiet. The corner they have picked out in something that used to be a building is oddly quiet.  
“The hell happened to you lot?” Nate quietly asks, his eyes sliding to Person who’s staring a hole in Walt’s head who, in turn, is just listening to the sounds of the camp and the hustle of marines around him.

“No more Ripped Fuel, sir,” Ray says and the corner of Brad’s mouth turns upwards.

“Person hasn’t said two words since Baghdad,” Trombley pipes up but one murderous look from Ray makes him close his mouth. 

He slips away to find more entertaining company, leaving the trio still staring at nothing, as if it would hold all the answers.

“Are you staying in the Corps, Sir?” Brad eventually asks, looking at Nate and there is something so intense in that one simple look, that Nate has to grind his teeth for a second just to avoid the shudder going through him.

“I don’t know, Brad. I don‘t think so,” and perhaps this is the first truthful answer Nate can give about anything in this war.

“I’m getting out,” Ray says, scooting closer to Walt who smiles him, all puppies and sunshine.

“What about you, Sergeant?” Hasser turns to Brad and Nate swears he looks more like a labradoodle than a marine. 

Perhaps there is something to the way these guys tease each other, but Nate has no strength to deal with something so unfamiliar right now.

“Iceman’s a lifer, Hasser,” Person says, throwing a packet of charms at Colbert’s head and missing terribly, almost getting Nate in the process. “Sorry, Sir” but he doesn’t really sound apologetic.

“I just miss my bike, Ray. Can’t wait for your sorry ass to disappear so I don’t have to babysit anymore," Brad shoots back, shrugging.

It suddenly hits Nate like a ton of bricks. He is going to miss these stupid ass marines he’s grown so fond of. They have relied on each other in combat and in late evenings, passing unspoken conversation snippets between them, and Nate is going to miss them. 

He keeps it to himself, though because what the hell is he supposed to say? It’s just going to come out raw, wrong and un-Nate-ish as fuck. But he holds on to this feeling, putting it away to be examined once he no longer is bound by bars.


End file.
